The Princess Bride

The Princess Bride Page 63

“In that case,” said the man in black, “I challenge you to a battle of wits.”

Vizzini had to smile. “For the Princess?”

“You read my mind.”

“It just seems that way, I told you. It’s merely logic and wisdom. To the death?”

“Correct again.”

“I accept,” cried Vizzini. “Begin the battle!”

“Pour the wine,” said the man in black.

Vizzini filled the two goblets with deep-red liquid.

The man in black pulled from his dark clothing a small packet and handed it to the hunchback. “Open it and inhale, but be careful not to touch.”

Vizzini took the packet and followed instructions. “I smell nothing.”

The man in black took the packet again. “What you do not smell is called iocane powder. It is odorless, tasteless and dissolves immediately in any kind of liquid. It also happens to be the deadliest poison known to man.”

Vizzini was beginning to get excited.

“I don’t suppose you’d hand me the goblets,” said the man in black.

Vizzini shook his head. “Take them yourself. My long knife does not leave her throat.”

The man in black reached down for the goblets. He took them and turned away.

Vizzini cackled aloud in anticipation.

The man in black busied himself a long moment. Then he turned again with a goblet in each hand. Very carefully, he put the goblet in his right hand in front of Vizzini and put the goblet in his left hand across the kerchief from the hunchback. He sat down in front of the left-hand goblet, and dropped the empty iocane packet by the cheese.

“Your guess,” he said. “Where is the poison?”

“Guess?” Vizzini cried. “I don’t guess. I think. I ponder. I deduce. Then I decide. But I never guess.”

“The battle of wits has begun,” said the man in black. “It ends when you decide and we drink the wine and find out who is right and who is dead. We both drink, need I add, and swallow, naturally, at precisely the same time.”

“It’s all so simple,” said the hunchback. “All I have to do is deduce, from what I know of you, the way your mind works. Are you the kind of man who would put the poison into his own glass, or into the glass of his enemy?”

“You’re stalling,” said the man in black.

“I’m relishing is what I’m doing,” answered the Sicilian. “No one has challenged my mind in years and I love it… By the way, may I smell both goblets?”

“Be my guest. Just be sure you put them down the same way you found them.”

The Sicilian sniffed his own glass; then he reached across the kerchief for the goblet of the man in black and sniffed that. “As you said, odorless.”

“As I also said, you’re stalling.”

The Sicilian smiled and stared at the wine goblets. “Now a great fool,” he began, “would place the wine in his own goblet, because he would know that only another great fool would reach first for what he was given. I am clearly not a great fool, so I will clearly not reach for your wine.”

“That’s your final choice?”

“No. Because you knew I was not a great fool, so you would know that I would never fall for such a trick. You would count on it. So I will clearly not reach for mine either.”

“Keep going,” said the man in black.

“I intend to.” The Sicilian reflected a moment. “We have now decided the poisoned cup is most likely in front of you. But the poison is powder made from iocane and iocane comes only from Australia and Australia, as everyone knows, is peopled with criminals and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as I don’t trust you, which means I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.”