The Princess Bride

The Princess Bride Page 108

There has been, for many years, a running battle among jungle zoologists as to just which of the giant snakes is the biggest. The anaconda men are forever trumpeting the Orinoco specimen that weighed well over five hundred pounds, while the python people never fail to reply by pointing out that the African Rock found outside Zambesi measured thirty-four feet, seven inches. The argument, of course, is silly, because “biggest” is a vague word, having no value whatever in arguments, if one is serious.

But any serious snake enthusiast would admit, whatever his schooling, that the Arabian Garstini, though shorter than the python and lighter than the anaconda was quicker and more ravenous than either, and this specimen of Prince Humperdinck’s was not only remarkable for its speed and agility, it was also kept in a permanent state just verging on the outskirts of starvation, so the first coil came like lightning as it dropped from above them and pinioned their hands so the fist and sword were useless and the second coil imprisoned their arms and “Do something—” Inigo cried.

“I can’t—I’m caught—you do something—”

“Fight it, Fezzik—”

“It’s too strong for me—”

“Nothing is too strong for you—”

The third coil was done now, around the upper shoulders, and the fourth coil, the final coil, involved the throat, and Inigo whispered in terror, because he could hear the beast’s breathing now, could actually feel its breath, “Fight it… I’m… I’m…”

Fezzik trembled with fear and whispered, “Forgive me, Inigo.”

“Oh, Fezzik… Fezzik…”

“What…?”

“I had such rhymes for you…”

“What rhymes?…”

Silence.

The fourth coil was finished.

“Inigo, what rhymes?”

Silence.

Snake breath.

“Inigo, I want to know the rhymes before I die—Inigo, I really want to know—Inigo, tell me the rhymes,” Fezzik said, and by now he was very frustrated and, more than that, he was spectacularly angry and one arm came clear of one coil and that made it a bit less of a chore to fight free of the second coil and that meant he could take that arm and bring it to the aid of the other arm and now he was yelling it out, “You’re not going anywhere until I know those rhymes” and the sound of his own voice was really very impressive, deep and resonant, and who was this snake anyway, getting in the path of Fezzik when there were rhymes to learn, and by this time not only were both arms free of the bottom three coils but he was furious at the interruption and his hands grabbed toward the snake breath, and he didn’t know if snakes had necks or not but whatever it was that you called the part that was under its mouth, that was the part he had between his great hands and he gave it a smash against the wall and the snake hissed and spit but the fourth coil was looser, so Fezzik smashed it again and a third time and then he brought his hands back a bit for leverage and he began to whip the beast against the walls like a native washerwoman beating a skirt against rocks, and when the snake was dead, Inigo said, “Actually, I had no specific rhymes in mind; I just had to do something to get you into action.”

Fezzik was panting terribly from his labors. “You lied to me is what you’re saying. My only friend in all my life turns out to be a liar.” He started tromping down the stairs, Inigo stumbling after him.

Fezzik reached the door at the bottom and threw it open and slammed it, with Inigo just managing to slip inside before the door crashed shut.

It locked immediately.

At the end of this corridor, the “To Level Four” sign was clearly visible, and Fezzik hurried toward it. Inigo pursued him, hurrying past the poisoners, the spitting cobras and Gaboon vipers and, perhaps most quickly lethal of all, the lovely tropical stonefish from the ocean outside India.