The Crippled God (The Malazan Book of the Fallen #10)

The Crippled God (The Malazan Book of the Fallen #10) Page 73

‘The beast,’ she said, ‘that dies at the hand of a human remains innocent.’

‘While that human cannot make the same claim.’

‘Can they not?’

Kalt Urmanal tilted his head, studied the white-fur-clad woman. ‘The hunter finds justification.’

‘Need suffices.’

‘And the murderer?’

‘Need suffices.’

‘Then we are all cursed to commit endless crimes, and this is our eternal fate. And it is our gift to justify all that we do.’ But this is no gift . ‘Tell me, Nom Kala, do you feel innocent?’

‘I feel nothing.’

‘I do not believe you.’

‘I feel nothing because there is nothing left.’

‘Very well. Now I believe you, Nom Kala.’ He scanned the field of slaughter. ‘It was my thought to stand here until their very bones vanished beneath the thin soil, hid inside brush and grasses. Until nothing remained of what has happened here.’ He paused, and then said again, ‘It was my thought.’

‘You will find no penance, Kalt Urmanal.’

‘Ah. Yes, that was the word I sought. I had forgotten it.’

‘As you would.’

‘As I would.’

Neither spoke again until the sun had once more vanished, yielding the sky to the Jade Strangers and the broken moon that was rising fitfully in the northeast. Then Kalt Urmanal hefted his weapon. ‘I smell blood.’

Nom Kala stirred. ‘Yes,’ she said.

‘Immortal blood, not yet spilled, but … soon.’

‘Yes.’

‘In moments of murder,’ said Kalt Urmanal, ‘the world laughs.’

‘Your thoughts are harsh,’ replied Nom Kala, settling her hair-matted mace in its sling draped across her back. She collected her harpoons.

‘Are they? Nom Kala, have you ever known a world at peace? I know the answer. I have existed far longer than you, and in that time there was no peace. Ever.’

‘I have known moments of peace,’ she said, facing him. ‘It is foolish to expect more than that, Kalt Urmanal.’

‘Do you seek such a moment now?’

She hesitated and then said, ‘Perhaps.’

‘Then I shall accompany you. We shall journey to find it. That single, most precious moment.’

‘Do not cling to hope.’

‘No, I shall cling to you, Nom Kala.’

She flinched. ‘Do not do that,’ she whispered.

‘I can see you were beautiful once. And now, for the yearning in your empty heart, you are beautiful again.’

‘Will you so torment me? If so, do not journey with me, I beg you.’

‘I shall be silent at your side, unless you choose otherwise, Nom Kala. Look at us, we two remain. Deathless, and so well suited to this search for a moment of peace. Shall we begin?’

Saying nothing, she began walking.

As did he.

Do you remember, how those flowers danced in the wind? Three women knelt in soft clays beside the stream, taking cupped handfuls of clear water to sprinkle upon the softened pran’ag hides before binding them. The migrations were under way, velvet upon the antlers, and the insects spun in iridescent clouds, flitting like delicious thoughts .

The sun was warm that day. Do you remember?

Greasy stones were lifted from the sacks, rolled in hands around the circle of laughing youths, while the cooked meat was drawn forth and everyone gathered to feast. It was, with these gentle scenes, a day like any other .

The call from the edge of camp was not unduly alarming. Three strangers approaching from the south .

One of the other clans, familiar faces, smiles to greet kin .

The second shout froze everyone .

I went out with the others. I held my finest spear in my hand, and with my warriors all about me I felt sure and bold. Those who drew near were not kin. True strangers. If necessary, we would drive them off .

There was this moment – please, you must remember with me. We stood in a row, as they came to within six paces of us, and we looked into their faces .

We saw ourselves, yet not. Subtle the alterations. They were taller, thinner-boned. Strewn with fetishes and shells and beads of amber. Their faces did not possess the rounded comfort of Imass faces . Features had sharpened, narrowed. The bones of their jaw beneath the mouth jutted under dark beards. We saw their weapons and they confused us. We saw the fineness of their skins and furs and leggings, and we felt diminished .

Their eyes were arrogant, the colour of earth, not sky .

With gestures, these three sought to drive us away. This was their land to hunt now. We were the intruders. Do you remember how that felt? I looked into their faces, into their eyes, and I saw the truth .